Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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