if only i could text you this smell
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
