Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
