Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
