I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
