yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
