How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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