This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
