Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
