Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
