I showed him my bush... on skype.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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