Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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