id be glad to
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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