This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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