I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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