16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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