also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This is classic penis vs brain.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize