How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
