You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
