Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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