Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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