i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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