this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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