Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm just crazy horny about you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
