I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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