with your own penis?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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