Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
