i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
