You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
