Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she pinky promised me she was 18
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
