she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
