I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
