You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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