After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
