i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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