i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
