Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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