Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
