Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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