I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
