So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
