no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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