I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
