So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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