its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Sober January is a disaster.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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