I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
