The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
