sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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