my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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