i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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