So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
