So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
