I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
