Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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