I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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