This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
