At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
