just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
