I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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